Parenthood + Social Media. Is it real? Is it fake? FAKE! I mean, I can occasionally get my kids to smile for a photo for 2.5 seconds - maybe you have better luck. But smiling at the same time always feels like a miracle. Maybe other parents have it together. It's hard to tell. Instagram or Reality. It's a thing.
What parenthood actually looks like is stained clothes, messy hair, a dirty house with bottles or toys or both everywhere. It is imperfect. And it is definitely not how it appears on social media or in the movies. And it is not necessarily how you would like to welcome your mother in law. We want it to feel perfect. We want it to look put together, with books and toys in the right spot - clean bottles and sippy cups put away. A breast pump tucked away instead of right on your kitchen table. But that's not reality.
Parenthood is messy. We are constantly pivoting and adapting to the quick changes made by our child or children, and learning to adapt behind them. We are always one foot behind them. They are in control. Read that again. They are in control. But really. Think about it. They control their bowel movements, we clean them up. We make elaborate dinners - or even just broccoli - and then fight them to get them to actually eat the food. Or maybe yours are the exception to the norm and eat the broccoli on their own. Mine are not.
We put these massive expectations of ourselves and of our children in front of us. We look at mountains as though they are small hills, and then force ourselves to climb them. Slow down. Take a deep breath. And take baby steps. Your experience is your own. Your own to have, your own to hold, and your own to live with.
We are here to assist our child(ren) and help them grow, give them necessary tools, give them the nurturing and loving environment they deserve and crave, and foster their independence. But suffering in silence is not going to help ourselves or set the positive example for our children. Even if they can't verbalize it, they can feel our pain and suffering. Do you want to normalize the pain for your children? Or is it better to reach out for help? Postpartum therapy is here for you.